‘Walking Eagle’ Senator BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York.  HE spoke for almost an hour on HIS future plans for increasing every Native American’s present standard of living, should HE one day become the President. HE referred to his career as a Senator, how he had signed ‘YES’ for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval.

Although the Senator was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas for helping his ‘red sisters and brothers’.

At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds.

A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they came to select the new name had given to the Senator. They explain ed that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

I just hope the other American people are as smart as the Indians.

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping thru the forest road when she sees

The big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.

‘My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf.’

The wolf jumps up and runs away.

Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again

And this time he is crouched behind a bush.

‘My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf.’

Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.

About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf

Again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.

‘My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf.’

With that the wolf jumps up and screams, ‘Will you knock it off,

I’m trying to poop!’

A little girl asked her father, ‘How did the human race appear?’

The father answered, ‘God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.’

Two days later the girl asked her mother the same question.

The mother answered, ‘Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.’

The confused girl returned to her father and said, ‘Dad, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Mom said they developed from monkeys?’

The father answered, ‘Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your mother told you about hers.’

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to think, come up with ideas and solutions, when you’re doing something simple and routine, something that requires no thought in of itself?

My most productive times are when I’m taking a shower and washing dishes. I’ve been doing both of these chores long enough that I have the routine down pretty good. I don’t have to think much about what I’m doing.

Well, the other day I was doing my husbandly duties, washing dishes, and a thought popped into my head. It rattled around in the empty space for a few seconds until it got my attention: “Why don’t attorneys at law do what you do?” I gave it my patented response: How should I know? Hoping it would just go away and let me finish the dishes in peace.

But, no. It kept persisting. It wanted more of my time. It wanted me to formulate a reasonable answer.

So, I gave it a few more minutes. After a little thought, the answer became obvious: follow the money.

Attorneys are always on the side of the money, or so they think. In this case the banks. They must think, if we sue the debtor, and he doesn’t pay, we can get our fees from the bank. They’re always good for it.

Which just goes to show you how dumb attorneys at law really are.

It seems to me, if you defended the debtor, and counter sued the bank, for a lot more money than the debtor owed, you would end up making a lot more money and still have the bank footing the bill.

Wonder how long it’ll take these professional geniuses to figure this out?

We are in trouble….

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 55 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 20 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city
Governments. And that leaves 6.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 6,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 6,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your ass,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice. Real nice.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Indiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”

The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.

The old farmer similed and sait, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in Indiana. We settle small disagreements like this with the Hoosier “Three Kick Rule.”

The lawyer asked, “What is the Hoosier Three Kick Rule?”

The farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.

His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees.

His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth.

The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his fee. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old coot. Now its my turn.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Naw, I give up. You can have the duck.”